Don't Mind Us, We're Just Re-Arranging The Deckchairs

Now is the winter of our discontent, make glorious summer by this son of Argentina.

Apologies to that bloke from Stratford, that's the Midlands one not E15, but just when I can't believe this season can get any worse, it does.

The Happy Hammers are more miserable than a sex tourist who has just gone on a date with the most beautiful girl in Bangkok and discovered she's got plums where there should be a peach. We, that is the royal we as we are all in this cesspit together, have been found guilty of breaching Premier League rules in relation to the signings of Argentine duo Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano in August.

The Premier League has taken since August to reach the decision that the registration of the two players are with third party Media Sports Investment and may have broken Premier League regulations. So that means that we could be deducted points if found guilty, a deduction of points will mean relegation to the footballing equivalent of hell.

They could just deduct the points we've picked up from the games the pair have played in - which means five points would be lost, but that would be enough to send us down. Of course the whole affair won't end with relegation, Eggy the Viking will sue Terence Brown for loss of income, the players will be 'distracted' and before you know it the old Third Division will see it's biggest gates since Man.City were down there about ten years ago.

Having a bloke from Togo suspended for not managing to hit Fat Frank at five paces seems small fry compared to this..ho hum.