I May Not Be Alone

Don't worry I haven't suddenly become a dog lover, it's a metaphor for depression - you know Winston Churchill and his 'black dog'. Anyway it's been really bad lately, for almost two weeks which is way too long, if I'm honest (and not feeling too much self pity) I'm finding it hard to hold things together a lot of the time. I'm restless, easily distracted and at the moment I don't feel I'm worth my salary at work.

Anyway, just as I was about to slip the noose around my neck I read in my local evening paper that scientists in Australia have found a connection between diabetes and depression. Although the study concentrated on people aged between 18 and 28 the symptoms and the circumstances can be applied to anybody with diabetes who suffers from poor sugar control. The problem here is a classic Catch-22 scenario. If you have poor sugar control (glycaemic control) you get depressed, when you get depressed you suffer from, yes you've got there already, poor glycaemic control. This in turn leads to problems with your heart, kidneys, liver, blindness - blimey, diabetes really isn't a barrel of laughs is it? Now these symptoms are normally associated with Type 1 diabetes, that's the type controlled by insulin, rather than Type 2, which is what I have, which is controlled by diet. The problem is that with either type you experience peaks and troughs with your blood sugar level, when I spoke to my nurse about feeling depressed she said that it's not unusual for people with Type 2 to experience this, simply because the ups and downs of your blood sugar level also impact on other naturally created chemicals in your body.

Now most people know that you can artificially create some highs, simple things like eating chocolate is one, the problem is that eating chocolate isn't very good at all for a diabetic, you get a sugar rush, your pancreas can't deal with the increased blood sugar and you either crave more chocolate or you get ill. So what's the solution? Well the survey concluded their findings by saying that diabetic patients need counselling and psychological support. I can't have counselling again, I've been there twice before and I know there are people with far greater health problems out there who need the resources of the NHS to work for them.

I think I need a mental kick up the arse, tell myself I've got a wonderful wife, lovely daughter, well paid job and a decent life. Be a little bit less inhibited, try and relax more, try and come out of my shell a bit more with people, realise that talking about problems isn't a weakness. I've always been a good listener but rarely a good talker.