Reward By Committee

Picture the scene, a room of trendy wendys quaffing back the double lattes with the non-fat croissants have to decide who is a worthy recipient of the award for outstanding contribution to music over the past thirty years.

"Come on guys, we need some names."

"Morrissey."

"Too miserable."

"Noel Gallagher"

"He'll have to bring his brother with him."

"Paul Weller."

"See Morrissey."

"New Order."

"Not big enough."

"Stone Roses."

"No, come on guys your missing the point. We don't want somebody who writes their own material, or somebody who started a whole new music scene, or somebody who writes, sings, records and produces other bands. We want a crowd pleaser, doesn't have to be a good singer, somebody whose contribution can only be measured in units shifted."

"Robbie Williams?"

"Exactly."

"He's not talented enough to write his own songs."

"Neither was Sinatra."

"He doesn't play an instrument."

"Nor did Elvis after he came out of the army."

"He hasn't influenced any subsequent generation of artists."

"Give him time, he's not old enough yet to be an influence."

"Okay, Robbie it is then."