Up until last Sunday night I had managed to sleep for the best part of seven hours a night for going on for a month. The old routine of waking up at 2, 4 and 5 a.m seemed to be a distant memory, that was until we had a conversation about how well we were both sleeping, the last week has been dreadful and I'm only glad I have next week off work so that I might be able to 'catch-up'.
Anyway I'm lying there at 5 a.m this morning, deciding at which point do I get up and get ready for a 7 a.m start down the gym, when all of a sudden a bright light shines across the back of the house. "Must be the neighbours cat," Janis says, surprising me in the process as I didn't even realise she was awake to be honest.
"The neighbours cat? What, a cat wearing one of those head torches campers use?"
"Isn't that a bit counter productive when it comes to sneaking up on wildlife at night?"
"Perhaps they think it's the milkman."
"Perhaps that's where he got the idea. The cat probably saw this vehicle silently moving down the road with one giant illuminated eye and noticed how easy it was to enter people's porches so decided to grab himself a piece of the action."
"Possibly," she replied in a 'let me go back to sleep it's still dark' tone.
"But cat's don't have opposable thumbs," I continue, "How could he open the milk or the yoghurt or the orange juice."
"Cats don't drink orange juice."
"Doesn't explain the milk or yoghurt does it?"
"Unless of course the cat has a slave army of squirrels. Squirrels can get into and out of anything. Chris Packham says so."
"Bully for Chris."
I get out of bed and look across at a neighbours garden which has a collection of solar powered lights, one of which is now flashing. "I think Di's (neighbour) cat is having trouble perfecting his head torch or at least doesn't understand Morse code."
"Perhaps it's signalling that the bloke at number 17 is annoying his wife and won't let her go back to sleep."
"I think it's stuck. Lack of opposable thumbs gets them every time."
"What time does the gym open on a Saturday?"