Wednesday, January 31, 2007


Dangerous Dave Has Another Vote Winning Idea

Dave 'safe hands' Cameron


I don't care if my M.P listens to Mariah Carey or Miss Dynamite, I don't care whether he supports Chelsea or Cheltenham, I don't even care whether or not he thinks the moon is made of Rocquefort. What I do object to is politicians who think that we, that's you and me the electorate, can be fooled into voting by them coming up with an endless list of half-arsed ideas that are the fruit of a conversations with nutters.

I don't mind if David Cameron is one day the Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, I'll be long gone by then - but the fact that he needs to say that, if he becomes the holder of that job, he will re-instate terracing at some football grounds, or some terracing at all football grounds just annoys me as much as Gordy trying to be popular by claiming his wife looks good on the dance floor.

Terracing at football grounds was removed for very good safety grounds post Hillsborough. Ask anybody who stood on the Kop, or the North Bank Upton Park or the Shed and they will glaze over all nostalgically for about thirty seconds. Then they'll remember being hurled one hundred feet forwards off your feet when your team scored or nearly scored, or they'll remember the bloke behind you using his programme (or your trouser pocket) to piss in, or the feeling of scalding bovril running down the back of your Ben Sherman shirt.

I loved terracing when I was about 12. It was where you could shout obscenities, sing rude songs and jump up and down testing the quality of your Doc Martens on the concrete beneath your feet - or on somebody else's feet beneath your feet.

Terracing was removed for good safety reasons, yes you can argue that seating can be just as dangerous and that being sat down removes some of the atmosphere but on the whole that argument is a dog that don't bark anymore - as they say down the Whitechapel Road.

Most football stadia these days have great lines of sight there is the occasional need to stand but who in their right mind pays £56 to see Chelsea and then stands for ninety minutes? The best night I experienced at Upton Park was the night Kenny Brown scored and denied Manchester United the title in favour of Leeds - I was seated and the noise and atmosphere generated by the old Upper West Stand was as good as it gets.

If Sunny D wants my vote then perhaps he can talk about the environment, transport, higher education, civil liberties - don't bother with the NHS that is a behemoth that nobody can save and education is a postcode lottery that is beyond the will of central government - but please don't talk about pop music, football or readers wives.

4 comments:

Gavin Corder said...

Don't you think all seaters took the heart out though?

Name Witheld said...

What puzzles me is this. We can send people to the moon and probes into deep space. We can cure all manner of once fatal diseases, even some forms of cancer, and we have developed all manner of exotic ways of killing each other. How come, then, we can't devise a way of ensuring people can stand safely at football matches?

Linda Mason said...

I used to stand on the South Bank at Molineux as a teenager. My one abiding memory apart from being arrested once, thrown out of the ground several times for being mouthy (who me?) was of the waterfall of piss coming through the back of the stand to the courtyard below, at half time. It was dodge the piss whilst queuing for your pie and pint!

Standing at Wembley was a nightmare for someone smaller than about 6'. I recall the sheer horror of falling down a tiered step and nearly breaking my leg when the Wolves beat Notts Forest for the League Cup. Those steps were HUGE!

Paul said...

Wembley was horrible - so too was Lords to be honest in the old days - better to sit on the grass than on a lump of concrete.

I don't think all seaters have taken the heart out - the problem is that people think they should stand for 90 minutes rather than at the exciting bits.